Hero and Anti-Hero

November 5, 2023                    31st Sunday in Ordinary Time

"The greatest among you must be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled; but whoever humbles himself will be exalted."
- Matthew 23:11-12

In my college days, altruism was a concept I had difficulty fathoming. By its common definition -- the will to serve another without expecting anything in return -- I felt that it was just plain impossible. My argument was that there's always "something" we get out of it, even if it's just that sweet satisfaction of knowing you did a good deed, and at least in my experience, it was impossible to completely separate the desire for that satisfaction from the will to do good. Simply put, it feels good to enjoy one's own goodness! Now if you've had similar thoughts, and if you're an overthinker like me, you may have heard that annoying voice in your head saying "See, you're still selfish deep down. You just happen to be selfish in disguise." If you're a teenager grappling with these thoughts, you may perhaps relate to that part in Taylor Swift's song Anti-Hero, which goes "Did you see my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman?" And if you're in that space, then let me tell you as someone who's been there: it's ok to enjoy your good deed. In fact, that "good deed joy" might just be God's way of giving you a Divine pat on the back. If you don't take my word for it, take St. Augustine's:
 

When we take pity upon a man and care for him, it is for his advantage that we do so; but somehow or other our own advantage follows by a sort of natural consequence, for God does not leave the mercy we show to him who needs it to go without reward.

- St. Augustine, De Doctrina Christiana, Book I, Ch. 32, Art. 35 

Church musicians may also find themselves in that space. When the music sounds good, the congregation applauds, the Priest thanks you for the beautiful music, and parishioners approach you to say you did a good job, you may wonder "Am I still doing this for the glory of God, or for my own glory?" And you might hear that voice again accusing you of "covert narcissism disguised as altruism like a congressman." When you find yourself wondering if you're a congressman, I invite you to try this little thought experiment: Imagine you're a homeless person on the street, starving but unable to afford a meal, and then some random good Samaritan walks up to you and gives you a free sandwich. You don't know that person's intentions -- maybe they're like the Pharisees in the Gospel just doing it for show, or maybe they're just doing it for that inner "good deed joy." All you know is that you got a free sandwich and now you're not so hungry anymore. The sandwich has made you incredibly happy, regardless of the giver's motives. Now imagine you're the giver. The more you can focus on how happy the receiver becomes (instead of your own motives), the closer you get to genuine selflessness. 

As if it were an antithesis to Anti-Hero, Mariah Carey's song Hero opens with the lines: "There's a hero if you look inside your heart; you don't have to be afraid of what you are." Literally just a few days ago, my best friend had to remind me that I wasn't the only person benefiting from our friendship like a parasite -- that she was benefiting from it too. Find friends like that who bring you closer to genuine selflessness and genuine self-love. 

With my peace,
Carlo Serrano, Music Director